


Safe

by KittyBandit



Series: Safe with You - Lucky Poker Modern AU [1]
Category: D.Gray-man
Genre: Alternate Universe - Modern Setting, Emotional Hurt/Comfort, Implied Childhood Sexual Abuse, M/M, Nightmares
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-04-27
Updated: 2019-04-27
Packaged: 2020-02-08 13:00:06
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,797
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/18623779
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/KittyBandit/pseuds/KittyBandit
Summary: Dealing with the nightmares was never easy. But at least he didn't have to deal with it alone.





	Safe

**Author's Note:**

> After reading chapter 232, I was feeling some kind of way. Allen's childhood abuse really hit me hard, and I needed to write something to make me feel better. I hope you all enjoy it.

_Hands. Hands touching him. Hands grabbing him. Pinching, pulling, tugging._

_Allen couldn_ _’t breathe, not while they were touching him—all faceless people with rough, demanding hands. His heart thudded in his chest like a drum, like a sparrow trapped in a cage and desperately beating its wings to fly free. But the more it struggled, the more it hurt itself, wings beaten bloody against the metal bars, bones snapping, panicked cries._

Stop. Stop touching me.

_But they never stopped. They never listened. They only took more and more, until he was nothing but a shell, an empty vessel bled dry of emotions. Abused to the point of numbness, frozen in fear._

Don’t touch me. Don’t touch me.

 _He wanted to scream, to shout, to cry—to do_ anything _. But every time it happened, every time they violated him, he grew limp like a ragdoll. If he struggled, they hurt him more. If he talked back, they slapped his face. But he wanted to. He wanted to kick and fight and struggle against their hold. He wanted to punch them in the jaw, the nose, the gut, anywhere he could hurt them._

Leave me alone.

 _He couldn_ _’t breathe. His lungs burned, desperate for air. He couldn’t—_ he couldn’t—

Allen took a sudden gulp of air, chest aching and pulse racing. He bolted upright in bed, jerking awake with such force that he nearly launched himself out of it entirely. Blankets tangled at his hips and around his legs, a testament to how restless his sleep had been.

He took a few more ragged breaths, clutching his hand to his chest as he tried to calm down. But every second only made his blood pressure spike worse than before. He had to move, to get up, to leave—

“Al?” a tired voice questioned, the lump next to him in bed shifting under what little blankets Allen had left undisturbed.

“Go back to sleep, Lavi,” he whispered, pulling the blankets back from his legs and getting out of bed. The cold floor against his bare feet was enough of a shock to shake some of the haze from his mind, but not enough to drain the bone-deep unease that spread through his body.

He crept through the apartment, hardwood floors creaking under his weight, until he reached the kitchen. Flipping on the light switch, he squinted under the sudden brightness and moved to the refrigerator.

With his eyes still adjusting to the light, he searched the shelves, grabbing a few boxes of leftover Chinese takeout, then shuffled to the tiny kitchen table near the window. There was still a pair of unused chopsticks on the table. Allen ripped them from the paper wrapper and quickly dug into the box of cold lo mein. He stared out the open window, hearing the steady drizzle of rain on the concrete and the sound of cars driving by.

He pulled his knees up, crouched on the chair with his feet pressed firmly on the seat. Exhaustion sat heavy in his bones, but he kept eating, fumbling with his chopsticks as he shoved cold, greasy noodles into his mouth, chewing loudly, angrily—mashing the noodles into a pulp and trying to drown out the voices in his head with the noise. It didn’t work—it rarely did.

He heard footsteps and looked up in time to see Lavi and Tyki slowly entering the kitchen. Lavi rubbed at his good eye like a sleepy child, while Tyki already had an unlit cigarette hanging from his lips as he fumbled with the lighter in his hands.

“What are you doing up?” Lavi asked, shuffling to the table and sitting in the chair across from him. It took the redhead a while for his head to clear when he was woken up suddenly, and Allen’s unintentional bedroom gymnastics certainly qualified as “sudden.”

“Hungry,” he replied, stabbing his chopsticks deeper into the box, nearly stabbing right through the bottom.

As Tyki finally got the lighter to work, he lit his cigarette and inhaled a lungful of smoke before moving towards the stove. “At one in the morning? Little late to be raiding the fridge.”

“It’s called a midnight snack.”

“Mhmm,” Tyki mumbled grabbing the kettle off the stovetop and filling it with water. “I’m sure that’s all it is.”

Lavi rested his chin on an upturned palm, his good eye still half-lidded. “Did you have another nightmare?”

The question sent a pang of anxious energy straight into his guts. He didn’t answer, instead stuffing his mouth with more lo mein.

Setting the kettle to warm, Tyki opened the cupboard and dug out three mismatched mugs and a box of herbal tea. “You know you can tell us if you want,” he offered, not looking back at Allen. He flicked his ashes into the sink before bringing the cigarette back to his lips. Smoke trailed him as he moved to the refrigerator, grabbing another box of takeout and setting it on the table with the others.

Allen slowed his determined chewing, his stomach lurching at the thought of speaking of his past demons aloud. Tyki and Lavi knew, if only in the barest of details, what he’d gone through before he’d met them. But having his boyfriends know about it and discussing it were two completely different things. He set what was left of the lo mein back on the table and wrapped his arms around his knees. “I don’t want to talk.”

The kettle began to steam, but Tyki kept his golden eyes on Allen. “That’s fine, too.” He took another puff off the cigarette, letting the silence between the three of them simmer. “I’m making that sleepy time tea you like. You want some?”

“Sure.” His voice grew weaker, and he knew if he talked too much more, he might breakdown.

Lavi slid his chair over towards Allen’s until they were close enough to touch. He reached out and gently pressed his hand over Allen’s as it rested on his knee. “You wanna go sit on the couch? I can put in a movie or something.”

Allen picked at a loose thread on his pajama pants. “…Don’t you have class in the morning? And work?” His eyes shifted to Tyki as he poured the hot water into each of the mugs.

Lavi shrugged, his hand never straying from Allen’s. “I’ve gone without sleep before. It’s not a big deal.”

“You’ve got work, too,” Tyki reminded him, bringing the mugs over to the table. He set two of them down, precariously balancing them with one hand, then took a drink from his own. “And if we have to take a day off, so be it.”

Grabbing his mug, Allen pulled it close, staring at the slowly darkening water inside. It smelled nice, like chamomile and lavender. He took a tentative sip, making sure not to burn his tongue. He could feel their eyes on him, waiting—worrying. He had to say something. “I’m fine. You should both just go back to bed.”

Tyki ran a hand through Allen’s hair, firm and soft. “Not without you, boy.”

“Yeah,” Lavi added with a smirk. “How am I supposed to sleep if you don’t put your cold feet on my calves?”

That comment pulled a smile from Allen, if only a tiny one. He took another sip from his mug, longer this time, letting the tea warm his insides and calm his nerves. The dream still floated around in the back of his mind, dredging up unpleasant memories, but at least he had good company to distract him from it. “Okay. I’ll go back to bed with you both, but not until I finish my tea… and maybe that box of curry chicken.” He reached for the stained, white takeout container, but before he could grab it, Tyki snatched it up off the table.

“You’re not eating it cold,” he said, shoving the box into the microwave. “You’ll give yourself a stomach ache.”

Allen pouted, pulling his steaming mug of tea to his lips. “It will not.”

Lavi snickered as he leaned back in his chair. “Allen’s got an iron stomach. He can eat anything.”

“See? Just give me the curry, Tyki,” Allen whined, taking slow, tentative sips of his tea.

“Humor me,” Tyki said, pulling the cigarette from his lips and snuffing it out in the ashtray on the counter. He stood by the microwave, watching the box spin in slow circles as he took a drink from his mug.

Sighing, Allen leaned back in his chair, drinking more of the relaxing tea. He stared at Tyki as he stood guard at the microwave, half-heartedly glaring. Lavi kept chuckling to himself, but didn’t comment otherwise.

When the microwave beeped, Tyki took the box from it and brought it back over to the table for Allen. He wasted no time in digging in, not caring that the food was half cold, half burning hot. It tasted good, regardless.

They finished the food and tea, and after cleaning up the mess, Tyki ushered Lavi and Allen back to the bedroom. Lavi was already falling asleep again, barely able to keep on his feet, but Allen’s mind was still running, too keyed up to calm down.

In the dark, they fumbled their way to the large bed. Lavi crawled in one side and crashed as soon as his head hit the pillow. Allen heard his little snores, muffled by blankets he’d thrown over his head.

“You want to be in the middle tonight?” Tyki asked, his hand resting on Allen’s lower back as they stood at the edge of the bed.

He nodded, though Tyki couldn’t see it in the dark. “Yeah, I think so.” He joined Lavi on the mattress, sliding under the blankets. Even half-asleep, Lavi curled up close to him, pressing his face into Allen’s shoulder and curling an arm around his hips.

Tyki followed after, shifting closer to Allen’s side and mirroring Lavi’s action, resting his arm over his stomach. Allen closed his eyes, letting out a heavy breath.

“You okay?” Tyki whispered, voice hushed and soft in the quiet air between them.

Allen sighed and reached down for Tyki and Lavi’s arms as they held him. He relaxed at the feel of their skin under his palms. It was warm, welcoming, safe—something he’d never felt until he’d met them both. Tucked between them, it felt like nothing could hurt him again.

“Yeah,” he mumbled back as he turned to his side and tucked his face against Tyki’s chest. Lavi snuggled closer, spooning behind him. Allen dug his fingers into the fabric of Tyki’s shirt, holding it tight. “Just don’t leave me alone, okay?”

Tyki gently ran his fingers through Allen’s hair. “Wouldn’t dream of it.”


End file.
